Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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