I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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