You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
