please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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