Umm I'm too high to move.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
