Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
