you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm at about main and main street
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
