The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
