I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
