I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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