Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
