What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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