she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Randomize
