i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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