So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
