Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize