Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
