Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
