yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
