Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
