Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want nice things and good sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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