You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
