Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
