There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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