Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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