Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the condom got lost in my hair
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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