Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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