They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize