Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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