facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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