I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
