Christians are straight up FREAKS
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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