sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
