she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
