i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
