Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
