If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
