The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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