I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize