I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
