There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
