You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
