So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm really busy with my period
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