Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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