your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
