He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
