am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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