dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
