When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
