Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
