I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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