I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
