You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
