currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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