I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
