where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
