if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
