also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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