Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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