I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
