took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
40s are totally the cure
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize