Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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