Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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