Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
