yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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